Three words: puerto rican gang bang
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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