Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
