Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
