If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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