Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
