i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
