come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
