I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
