Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
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