He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
