It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
