Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
