I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Dick very happy bro
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
