super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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