Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
