I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
