I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
