y did u give ur computer a hand job?
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Well I just put wine in my tea
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