what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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