Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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