Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
