happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
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There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
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I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.