she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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