I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.