I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.