Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
third nipple confirmed
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.