Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
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You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
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I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"