Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill