I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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