my vag is so smooth its legendary
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
