whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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