I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Life is so much better after having sex.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
