I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
