Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
