I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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