Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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