Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
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