the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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