Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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