Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
