Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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