I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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