Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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