god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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