remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
