Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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