dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Vodka?
Forever.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
