I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
