THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
