my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
