Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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