I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I should be sponsored by Trojan
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
