I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
sex in a hospital.. check
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
