To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize