I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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