My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
