Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
