I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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