Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
