Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
