is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
