Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
