We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
