yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
