The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
