I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
