she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
