I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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