it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
whose parrot is this?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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