I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
