We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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