working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
