He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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