I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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