12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
