My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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