Say something about gay babies.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
sex in a hospital.. check
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
