Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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