I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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