I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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