dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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