youre lurking in front of me
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
